I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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