I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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