Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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