A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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