connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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