You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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