My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
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my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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