True but thats because hes a fetus.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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