And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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