If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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