He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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