Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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