I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
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This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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