stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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