Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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