so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
