The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
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My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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