I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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