We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize