just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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