i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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