The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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