so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize