Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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