Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize