my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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