whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize