Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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