i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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