What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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