Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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