how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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