can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize