he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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