I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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