sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
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when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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