Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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