I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
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Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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