I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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