Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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