i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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