I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize