so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
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Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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