You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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