so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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