All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
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We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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