so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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