Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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