he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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