Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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